Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials: enough is enough.

CTC1Dear General Mills, makers of Cinnamon Toast Crunch:

Hi, how are you?  I am fine.  I was just wondering why your commercials for Cinnamon Toast Crunch are so terrible.  Who is in charge of your marketing department nowadays?  Did you check his references?

The reason I ask (and the reason I say his) is because I note that your most recent antithetical nightmare of an ad specifically targeting ladies features a crazy-eyed piece of Cinnamon Toast Crunch standing on the edge of a bowl fishing with its own tongue.  Having watched pieces of Cinnamon Toast Crunch eating each other on TV for quite some time now, it came as no surprise to see it catch one of its shocked and horrified peers and devour it, only to find itself similarly (and ironically?) ensnared and devoured.  We are then told to “Dig Those Crazy Squares.” ™  Right.  ‘Cause there’s nothing we ladies like more than fishing, cannibalism, and, uh…digging things?   What is this commercial trying to prove?!

he knows what the ladies like

Cinnamon Toast Crunch is quite alright.  I mean, I thought it was better when it was shaped like toast.  You know, before some lazy-ass decided that a general square shape was good enough, and then somebody else decided to compensate for that by adding some “amazing” cinnamon-sugar SWIRLS.  But let’s not quibble over the aesthetics.  Maybe the toast shape wasn’t cost-effective – I don’t know.  Although it no longer resembles actual cinnamon toast, the taste hasn’t changed.   Maybe that’s the point.  You understand that this one’s a winner — right, General Mills?  There’s no sense in wasting all that money on toast shapes or a top-level ad man.  Just let the guy who buffs the floors come up with the next commercial.  Thus, “Hey, ladies! Fishing cannibals.  Dig it.”

top “ad-man” at M&Ms/Mars

Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials rank as only marginally less disturbing than commercials about M&M’s, who stopped eating their own kind a couple years ago in favor of being raped (and stuff) by humans.  You know what I’m talking about.  Where the giant M&M, usually accompanied by or in the company of some sexy model(s) at some kinda hip social scene is eaten or “eye-raped,” while trying to blend in.   Or it’s being shoved, screaming, into an oven by the human with whom it mistakenly believed it shared romantic love… or pleading with lab technicians for mercy before having some smartass of a pretzel from the Bronx inserted into it over its objection.  Uh-oh, looks like the guy buffing the floors at Mars is a rapist.

this is what’s next

My point is that your advertising campaigns are becoming more and more psychotic, General Mills.   I understand that you may feel compelled to “up the crazy ante” since your true target demographic started taking all that Ritalin.  You’re probably all, “Kids are crazy nowadays; and they need to be able to identify with their cereal mascots.”  But they don’t.  They just don’t.  I mean, what’s next?  Any day now there’s going to be a piece of Cinnamon Toast Crunch chained to a dirty basement floor that has got to gnaw itself in half so it can get to the other piece of Cinnamon Toast Crunch that has to gouge out its own eyes with a spork to get to the one who is chained to the floor.  We have to draw the line somewhere.   I’m putting you on notice, General Mills.   Enough is enough.  You either cut it out, or I swear to God, I will start buying and eating Kashi.  Or tearing up little pieces of cardboard into a bowl and eating that.  Same thing.




22 thoughts on “Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials: enough is enough.

  1. This post is hilarious. I was cracking up the whole time. I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, it is probably one of my favorite cereals. But I will never understand how they come up with the ideas for the commercials. Keep up the awesome writing 🙂


  2. I totally agree the marketing concepts are getting ridiculous and have little to do with the cereal. I on the other hand I had a total different take on the tongue commercial…the fact that they specify “ladies” and if that is not enough hint where they are attempting to go….they then say “you love it” …”you gotta have it… ummm …I don’t see where they are referring to fishing. I find it an insult to the public’s intelligence and a disgusting method of advertising. The sexual innuendo’s that are blatantly used by the use of the word “Ladies” as a tongue begins licking ,,,followed by the comments…What could a woman’s private enjoyment have to do with cereal, I think the maker of this commercial is not only lousy at this job but sick, hoping to sell cereal by this tactic. I mean come on are they hoping the next time my husband and I are making love, I’ll jump up and go have a bowl of cinnamon crunch? Disgusting!!!


  3. My wife has been remarking about this commercial for a while now. I don’t know what demographic they’re trying to appeal to. Women seem to be turned off and a lot of men won’t touch anything they perceive as being for “girls”. What about kids?


    1. You and your wife are correct in what you know and do not know and wonder about this commercial. That is the entire purpose of this blog. Putting General Mills on notice that we don’t appreciate what we know and don’t know about what they think we want in a marketing campaign. I, for one, want images of actual cinnamon toast being magically shrunken into toast-shaped pieces of cereal. Enough is enough.


  4. Right. I mean, where will they draw the line? ‘Cause they didn’t draw it at cereal cannibalism. And they certainly didn’t draw it at candy sodomy. So where?! But more importantly: what. What about the cereals? What about the candies? And what in the actual f*** about the children?


  5. I am so relieved to find a place where I am not alone. It has been driving me crazy hearing that comercial call, ” Hey ladies!”. Crying-out-loud, ” What are they trying to say here?”. I don’t have the answer, but I’m not alone. Thank you.


  6. I am so happy to find your post and know that I am not alone in finding these commercials repulsive. Even if I could still eat normal cereal I would no longer buy Cinnamon Toast Crunch (it is good). (These days I’m down to Gorilla Munch and Bob’s Red Mill Creamy Rice Cereal.)

    I agree that shrinking toast down to cereal would be a much better ad. That would make me interested in the product (presuming I could eat it).


    1. Solidarity, sister! And two I haven’t tried! Here’s hoping the good people in charge of Gorilla and Bob either actually understand what ladies want and give it to them, or don’t…and just don’t go there. That’s the way this works. I didn’t make the rules.


  7. I could not agree more on the butt-load of bull that is the latest commercials for one of my all-time favorite cereals! First, most modern cartoons (with the exception of MLP: FiM) and children’s/family films treat children like they’re f*cking retarded, and now THIS?!!! Because of the lazy-a** cannibalistic “characters” they decided were such a great idea to replace Wendell, I’m reduced to f*cking Reese’s Puffs! Why the hell has marketing for not only the gaming industry, but the cereals as well, sunk to such absolute sh*t lows?! This imo is one case of a low of “what the f*ck” levels! I believe General Mills needs to get a better CEO with more appropriate morals, fire the marketing department, and hire a new one with people that have actual brains, and truly understand children enough to know they’re not stupid, but they’re not adults, either! Why there isn’t a public moral outcry against this kind of bullcrap is beyond my understanding, other than idiocy is being graduated with ease from the school systems these days! Good to see there are some people that are just as bothered with this as I am. (and forgive my rather foul language, censored as it may be, I was typing in a bit of a rage at one point)


  8. Ugh. The commercials are still just as bad now as they were then. My mom and I were just talking about the cannibalism going on in the ads. Are these really aimed at kids? Seriously disturbing rather than making me want to go get some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I just don’t buy them at all because of the ads, and I just don’t need the sugar.


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