New Reality Show: Preachers’ Daughters

preachers daughters
Preachers’ Daughters.

Do you have preconceived notions about preachers’ daughters?  And are those preconceived notions wrong because you’re like one of the 140 people in the world who never saw the movie “Footloose” or have never actually encountered a preacher’s kid in real life?

Are you a huge fan of attention-whoring who is looking for another train wreck to add to your reality TV repertoire?

Do you need another reason to hate kids today, or worry about what the world will be like when they’re running things?  How ’bout another excuse to avoid going to church?  Or perhaps another gem to add to your treasure trove of “religion is bullshit” or “this is why other countries hate us” arguments?  Well, here you go.

footloose
most of us already know how this plays out.

“Preachers’ Daughters,” is a reality-based series that revolves around three families who all have one thing in common – at least one of the parents in each family is a preacher who has spawned a daughter who is hell-bent on embarrassing themselves and their parents, and possibly destroying the world by embarking on a series of clichéd shenanigans that make you want to *yawn* and then kick everybody associated with this nonsense right in the face before defecting to another country.

“Oh, Lawd,” cries one of the preacher-dads, “Please don’t let my daughter don’t turn into no porn star!  Amen.”

“Heavenly Father,” one of the other preacher-dads prays, “We cannot know Your will in allowing the Devil to cause my daughter to become impregnated by an unknown party.  But we know you will provide for us, even as you do the sparrows, by sending network camera crews to our house to document our shame for cash and prizes.”

duggars
Duggars: the Lord is soooo over you guys.

“Oh, for the love of Me!” Jesus Christ responds.  “I don’t know what they expect Me to do about this!  I don’t know what’s worse, this or that show about those Duggars.  19 kids?!  I mean, come on!  And don’t even get Me started on Honey Boo-Boo, or that one about the girl with two heads.  I mean, who watches stuff like that?!  I’m telling you right now that I have nothing to do with any of it.  Neither did My Dad. We are soooo over reality TV.  Enough is enough.”

“Lookitme!”  yells the pro-wrestler-turned-preacher-dad, removing a folding chair from under his couch to fend-off would-be bespoilers of his daughter’s questionable virtue, “It’s about to get real up in here!”

“Oh, I keep it even more real at my house,” says one of the moms who is determined not to let her pro-wrestler-turned-preacher ex (or any of the other preacher-dads…or daughters) steal all of the limelight. “Real graphic.  My daughter hates it when I talk about penetration in front of her prospective dates, but I am a lot less concerned about embarrassing her on national television than I am about penetrating the wall she has erected between herself and salvation.  Also, I have narcissistic personality disorder, and I love attention.”

Preachers’ Daughters is set to premiere March 12th.

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4 thoughts on “New Reality Show: Preachers’ Daughters

    1. Yet, having now confessed your shame to the world, you are free. Free to go forth and not look away from other extremely fucked up things masquerading as… something other than that. Nice!

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