NEXT TIME we’ll talk about how everyone’s want of
enlightenment tolerance prevented The Capricious Little Cricket from ever coming out of the closet, but this time I mean literally:
There’s a CRICKET in my closet!
And who knows where he may creep…
But I know he didn’t make a peep until I tried to sleep.
There’s an EARWIG in my shower!
On the ceiling – why’s he there…
Slinking millimeters closer; trying to drop into my hair?!
There’s a STINKBUG on my curtains!
Launching / falling purposely…
Making popping sounds when hitting walls, and floors, and shelves, and me.
There’s a SPIDER in my basement!
Hanging out behind the dryer…
I wish that it got hot enough to catch its ass on fire.
I’m afraid of these invaders! I don’t know what I should do!
What I do know is they have more eyes and legs than me and you.
So I sleep with one eye open! And I’m scared to wash my hair!
And I leave the curtains closed for fear of what I’ll find in there.
God knows I’d rather be outside than hang around downstairs…
There’s a MANTIS on my carport!
Perched upon the place I sit…
Turning suddenly to let me know It sees me seeing It —
(Then I really throw a fit…
and hit it with a basketball. Twice.
And suck up everything else that is not paying rent in the Shop-Vac.)
This “poem” was brought to you by Entomophobia. And Basketballs.
And by Shop-Vac ™. Sucking up everything that has more eyes and legs than I do…since 2009.