The Cricket in the Closet

NEXT TIME we’ll talk about how everyone’s want of enlightenment tolerance prevented The Capricious Little Cricket from ever coming out of the closet, but this time I mean literally:

There’s a CRICKET in my closet!
And who knows where he may creep…
But I know he didn’t make a peep until I tried to sleep.

There’s an EARWIG in my shower!
On the ceiling – why’s he there…
Slinking millimeters closer; trying to drop into my hair?!

There’s a STINKBUG on my curtains!
Launching / falling purposely…
Making popping sounds when hitting walls, and floors, and shelves, and me.

There’s a SPIDER in my basement!
Hanging out behind the dryer…
I wish that it got hot enough to catch its ass on fire.

I’m afraid of these invaders! I don’t know what I should do!
What I do know is they have more eyes and legs than me and you.

So I sleep with one eye open! And I’m scared to wash my hair!
And I leave the curtains closed for fear of what I’ll find in there.

God knows I’d rather be outside than hang around downstairs…


There’s a MANTIS on my carport!
Perched upon the place I sit…
Turning suddenly to let me know It sees me seeing It —

(Then I really throw a fit…
and hit it with a basketball. Twice.
And suck up everything else that is not paying rent in the Shop-Vac.)

This “poem” was brought to you by Entomophobia.  And Basketballs.
And by Shop-Vac ™. Sucking up everything that has more eyes and legs than I do…since 2009.


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