Twelve Days of (Substance Dependence) Christmas

On the 1st day of Christmas, my doctor gave to me: some samples of Tylenol 3!

On the 2nd day of Christmas, the ER gave to me: two Lortab 10s and some samples of Tylenol 3!

On the 3rd day of Christmas, this guy at work sold I found for me: three Xanax, two Lortab 10s, and some samples of Tylenol 3!

On the 4th day of Christmas, my roommate traded these magically appeared to me: four Percocets, three Xanax, two Lortab 10s, and some samples of Tylenol 3!

On the 5th day of Christmas, my source a robot delivered to me: FIVE BAGS OF WEED! Four Percocets, three Xanax, two LOLs and Doritos and ice cream TV!

On the 6th day of Christmas my neighbor this person I don’t even know made for me: six bathtub-meth chunks!FIVE BAGS OF WEED!FOURPERCOCETSTHREEXANAXSOMUCHTODOANDACLEAN
CLEANINGCLEANYCLEANCLEAN!

On the 7th day of Christmas, my doctor prescribed me: seven Valiums, cause I’m upset, I LOST MY JOB, for no good reason, they’re out to get me, fucking fascist douchebags, and some Obama bullshit…um…*sleep*

On the 8th day of Christmas, the clinic prescribed me: eight Methadones, seven Valiums, six bathtub-meth chunks, FIVE BAGS OF WEED! Four Percocets, three Xanax, two Lortab 10s, and some samples of Tylenol 3!

On the 9th day of Christmas, my – fuck you, I’m trying to find a job if I could stop hurting long enough! Nine Oxycontins, eight Methadones, seven Valiums, six bathtub-meth chunks, FIVE BAGS OF WEED! Four Percocets, three Xanax, two Lortab 10s, and some samples of Tylenol 3!

On the 10th day of Brother my Christmas brought to me: ten Klonopins, nine Oxycontins, eight Methadones, seven Valiums, six bathtub-meth chunks, FIVE BAGS OF WEED! lol four Percocets, three Xanax, two Lortab 10s, and why are all y’all looking at me?!

On the Percocets of Christmas –  (What?!  You don’t know what kind of pain I’m in! My doctor gave me these! You think they give these to people who don’t have nothing wrong with them? Yes, fucking all of them!  I don’t know where the bottles are!  You want to call my doctor?  Call him!  Here’s the number – call him!  We’ll go there right fucking now!) And some hmm, hm, hm Tylenol 3s!

On the 12th day of Christmas, Jesus Christ and me: twelve crack rocks, eleven Percocets, I have nerve damage, Oxycontin Lortabs, it’s not my fault, addiction is an illness, making my own meth now, FIVE GOLDEN RINGS! fuck all this drama, moving in mom’s basement, Xanax Tylenols, only Santa and God can judge me!

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p.s.: substance dependence is a serious problem that impacts individuals and families from all walks of life.  if it hasn’t touched you and yours, well — it just hasn’t touched you YET.  just because we laugh at a person/place/or thing does not mean we do not care — on the contrary, we care about and laugh about many things that we find devastating or ridiculous.  or ridiculously devastating.  or devastatingly ridiculous.   if you or someone you care about has a problem with substance dependence, here is a good place to start exploring treatment options:   http://www.samhsa.gov/treatment/index.aspx

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