There’s a turkey next door that is different;
He’s been here for almost a year.
He grew up with a family of ducklings,
and has chicken friends, too, always near.
I’m sure you have all heard the story
of the duckling who could not compare
to the beauty and grace of its siblings.
“So ugly!” his mother despaired…
Yet that tale is not much like this one,
as no triumphs or swans will emerge.
Just a turkey who lives with a family of ducks
and some chickens, whose fates may converge
For, alas, there’s this new thing in cooking
that none mentioned can hope to have luck in.
It’s the damndest thing ever – I swear I have never
heard of anything worse than Turducken.
A culinary horror of epic proportions
lauded as the holiday greatest…
They stuff turkeys with ducks, which are stuffed full of chicken…
(And…my brain just threw up. Fucking sadists.)
If my neighbors are raising these creatures
for a holiday roast, I can’t bear it!
I will first be bereaved, but lest you be deceived —
I shall also avenge them, I swear it.
I hope the turkey shows up Friday
And, lo! My suspicions won’t matter!
And my neighbors be not like Jack Sprat and his wife
With an empty Turducken platter.
You may say that it isn’t my business,
or my turkey — so why give a fuck?
But nothing can be sadder – or if killed, make me madder
Than this turkey who thinks he’s a duck.