Dear Girls Who Don’t Like Other Girls:

me and my bff

Dear Girls Who Don’t Like Other Girls:

This seems to be a growing trend, so first things first — congratulations on being almost as hip and trendy as a former coworker, who once wrote,

“I seem to have difficulty relating to other women, since I tend to have more in common with men. I don’t know why, I guess it was growing up with brothers. Women are so superficial.  With men, I can be myself.”

Right.  The thing is, lots of women grow up with brothers and only brothers. In what world is that sufficient reasoning for the rejection of your entire gender? That’s like saying, “I grew up watching the A-team. I guess that’s why I love snowcones.” Uh-oh, looks like *somebody* needs to brush up on their logical fallacies.

Want to know why you REALLY cannot relate to other women? Because you don’t want to. Want to know why you don’t want to? Because it takes one to know one. That’s right, I said it. It takes another woman to notice all of the hidden things that your army of impressed and/or distracted male friends would miss. It’s not their fault, mind you; they’re conditioned differently. So it’s not that you “can’t be yourself” around other women. It’s just that other women would see beyond your carefully constructed “it’s all good” facade into the real you.  This is what you seek to avoid with your self-imposed isolation.

Sadly, you’re missing all the good stuff!  Only a good girl friend can understand every ridiculous/shocking thing you’ve ever done, and why, and laugh with/at you about it. And when she says that’s the craziest thing she’s ever heard, you can laugh, too, ’cause you know she will 1-up you soon, and if she doesn’t, she either already has (and you’ll hear it in good time) or she damn sure wishes she could. She’s your partner in crime, your shoulder to cry on, your north star. Your best friends — even with all their faults, are, after all, your heroes. Who can understand you like your sisters? No one, that’s who.

And let me say this about men, particularly to those of you who honestly believe that all the gossiping/drama is reserved for womankind: it’s not.  They’re talking about you plenty. And if they’re not, face it — you are unremarkable.  You would know that if you had a good girl friend to tell you so, because *gasp* we know men, too.  I cannot overemphasize the importance of networking/commiseration.

How is it that the same women who “can’t get along with other women” because they “hate drama” are the same ones talking/writing about how the women in their male friends’ lives “don’t like them” because they’re “jealous” or “don’t get it” — we get it fine. We just don’t like it. Why? Because it takes one to know one.

If you would truly be/are “just one of the guys” you’d put some regular clothes on and drop the worn-out innuendos and/or not-very-subtle attention-whoring in so-called “platonic” company.  And spare them the sympathy, already.  If they’re on the outs with their woman, they probably deserve it.  Objectivity and discretion: familiarize yourselves with the concepts (and with aforementioned logical fallacies) before you hold yourselves to be “special” or “misunderstood”.  Without objectivity, and without discretion, you are nothing more than an opportunist suffering from delusions of superiority.

In summary/conclusion, if you don’t have/haven’t had at least a couple of good girl friends, you’re suspect. There’s nothing “wrong” with “women”. There’s something wrong with you.  Wise up.

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